ALPHARETTA, Ga. (BP) — Barrett lived outside the lines, his sister Catherine Renfro recalls. He liked sports. Everyone loved being around him. He certainly kept his siblings and parents on their toes.

When he called Renfro at 2:22 a.m., 17 years ago, she answered the phone to hear a 24-year-old Barrett screaming her name, “Catherine.” He’d had a tough night, had gone to a bar, argued with friends and drank too much.

“My brother had a history of struggling with alcohol usage and some drug usage, but he had been clean for a little while up until this point,” Renfro recalled. “He just kept saying, ‘I can’t keep doing this to you guys.’ And he told me he was going to take his life. And I begged him not to do it.”

Renfro was thankful to be home on fall break from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, which put her 30 minutes from Barrett instead of an otherwise four-and-a-half-hour drive.

“I told him I was going to come over to his house and everything would be fine. But he told me not to come, that he would already be gone by the time I got there,” Renfro told Baptist Press. “I remember going and getting my mom and dad (Greg and Carla Martin). My dad and I drove over to his house, but he was already gone by the time we got there.”

Barrett had shot himself and died, paramedics confirmed to the family.

Renfro is national director of women’s evangelism at the North American Mission Board (NAMB), wife of Chris Renfro, the founding and lead pastor of The Hope Church in Alpharetta, and the mother of three children.

For more than a decade, Renfro evaded God’s call to write about the tragedy, but “Hope, Hurt and Healing: Experiencing Jesus in the Wake of Suicide” is the obedient result, providing Scriptural solace and guidance for others grieving suicidal loss.

“When I was unfaithful to say yes, He was still faithful to keep prompting,” she said of the Lord. “And I remember I would pick it up, put it down, say yes, say no, maybe later,” until the Lord told her plainly that she was simply being disobedient.

“And so I made a commitment to finish it,” she said. “And I set a due date for myself of Aug. 30th, 2023, which is my brother’s birthday.”

B&H Publishing released the book during National Suicide Prevention Month. Barrett was among more than 35,000 Americans who committed suicide in 2008, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported, a number that has increased by more than a third. Suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. in 2023, the CDC reported, with 49,000 people in the U.S. killing themselves that year, 1.5 million others attempting suicide and 12.8 million seriously considering it.

The early days after Barrett’s death were difficult, as Renfro struggled with the certainty that Barrett, a born-again believer, was in heaven. After she returned to classes, a classmate who had no idea of her family’s loss asked the professor, “Why do we tell people who have a loved one that commits suicide that they’re in heaven if we know they’re not?” Renfro recalled. “It was like pouring — just — salt in an open wound.”

The question haunted Renfro.

“I knew my brother knew Jesus. I knew he had been saved, but all of a sudden I was questioning a lot of things,” she said. Her pastor pointed her to Romans 8:38-39, proclaiming believers’ certain security in Jesus.

“That was just a game-changing moment, where God just used someone in my life to point me back to the Scripture and help me to distinguish truth from lies,” Renfro said. “And I think every single person, as they walk through a grief, a loss by suicide, they need someone that can help them distinguish truth from lies, because the enemy is going to wage war on our minds.”

Renfro wrote “Hope, Hurt and Healing” to help those grieving suicidal loss remain focused on Jesus.

“My hope is that they will see how Jesus will show up in the details through their journey,” she said, “and how He really does see and care. And He’s faithful to provide. And that’s what I’m hoping they see Jesus and how He can show up for them in such a personal and yet powerful way.”

For those struggling with thoughts of suicide, immediate help is available 24 hours a day at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Simply dial 988. 

(EDITOR’S NOTE — Diana Chandler is Baptist Press’ senior writer. September is Suicide Prevention Month.)